Unknown Realities

After my blog yesterday I started thinking about what the real difference between able bodied and the disabled. The perception of reality is the main difference we seem to see the world in two different ways.  Be fore I was disabled I remember to me everything in the world seemed to bother me where would I work what would I do what did I want.

But since I have become disabled everything changed and I can honestly say I am happier which seems weird because I have so much less to be happy with. But what made me this way is the fact that all my old realities were torn down. As my body failed and I had to rewrite who I was all my old worries seemed trivial.

I fight the pain every morning from when I wake I fight to get from A to B even  the tiniest thing like getting up a set of stairs is now a challenge. Do not get me wrong I as many other disabled persons do get dark days and they are darker than you can imagine. Its when the darkness grips your very soul and drags you to a place where no light can go. most of us can drag our selves out of this and back to true reality but sadly there will always be some who cant those empty faces you see in nursing homes or the asylums wards. We would not be human if we didnt have chance for darkness to creep in.

The main difference is the way we perceive others and how they effect us. Before this i used to want to be liked I wanted women to fall for me and for me to be able to get anything I want. But now I have watched loads of so called friends vanish from my life the women who once enjoyed flirting round me has vanished even the big job offers have faded into history. Any one who says being disabled wont change anything must be able bodied or talking rubbish.

But it changes things for the better not the worse. The friends that stay are your real Friends the women who want you to date them are the real thing. If they can look past the disability and see whats inside then they are real. Job offers are the same as well if they willing to employ you as a disabled person then they are taking the risk on you and I found every employee I have had since disability has been good to me.

Your asking your self what is the reason of my blog today its simple the fact is being disabled is not a bad thing it gives you a new perception and all the illusions that the able body persons have we do not. We get to see things in a new way our wants and desires change.

A chair is a physical prison but mentally it can be a unknown or unwanted new form of freedom.

So If your Newly disabled just remember this isn’t the end of your life its the beginning of a new ans possibly better life.



Another painful day

Friday morning been awake for hours yet again. As has become the norm now I wake racked with pain I know its something I have to learn to live with but I hate it so much. I take my painkillers and the rest of the pile of pills I have to take just to live in this torment for a bit longer.

I visited my brothers grave this week as well sat there by the stone thinking soon this will be my eternal rest to. Funny thing is the thought no longer worries or scares me. He died at eighteen a terrific motor cycle accident that pushed his skull into his brain. Since this all began the seizures the head aches the voice buried deep in the back of my mind . Then the pain I endure every waking moment I have asked myself many times over the years is this all worth it.

Am I staying around for me or is it as I think is the case for those that i’d leave behind. Defiantly not staying around for my parents or brothers and sisters to be honest the only reason I have to put up with this suffering is for my children and grand children.

This year the system has stolen what self respect I had left me thousands in debt and caused me to fight like never before. The personal independent system has no heart to those like you and me. What kicked me worse is when I was told if I was a drunk or an addict I would been entitled and would gone through without this fight. Is it truly fair that those that choose to inflict things on them selves get rewarded yet those of us who only fault is that we have had this burden of disability forced on us are left to suffer like third class in society.

I have to ask myself are we the escape goat’s for the powers at be because we seen as the ones who will fight back the least. Well I got news for those who think that, its our time coming and we will no longer stay in the shadows and accept the injustice that is cast upon us. There comes a point in all society’s that the downcast has enough. Until now we accepted everything but now the revolution starts and we take our place and fight to gain what was stolen from us.

They once locked us in asylums castrated sterilised us, so we couldn’t bear children and through out history we have been punished for something that was not our fault. Now they promised care in the community and everything, but if you open your ears and eyes to there true words they want to use us as a way to recover money once squandered. They get paid so much and waist so much yet we are the ones who must suffer for this. I say no more let them use part of there wealth gained through others suffering and let us live like we deserve.