RAINY DAY BLUES

I woke this morning as the agony racked my bones and in a pre painkiller condition I laid there not daring to move my legs as I reached out to take my pain killers. I know some of you against the continual use of pain killer from the private emails I know you think there addictive or long term is harmful. Try waking in agony every day of your life then see if side effects matter to you.

Out side I could hear the rain beating against the window and all I could think of was oh god rain again. To an able bodied person rain is not to much of an issue but to us wheel chair users who are no longer allowed to drive major issues.

I had to go grab some shopping which I did and most of you think well use the bus WRONG the busses only have one space for a wheel chair and you can wait six or seven busses to get on. All through the journey you get mothers winging because other mothers couldn’t get on with buggy’s because of you. Is that our fault NO.

But rainy days because of the one chair policy forget the busses. Then you have taxis that charge double for wheel chairs but if an able body person takes one its half the price. Is this exploit the ones who got no choice. Town and back in a taxi is around thirty six bound able bodied can get both ways for less than fifteen. So we ruled out busses and taxis are expensive.

Im lucky I have a mobility scooter that is road worth but in the bad rain it not to safe but what other choice Have I if I tried wheel in the three miles as I have done a few times before I would end up more soaked to the bone and catch another bug that if like last time is to go by can be near fatal.

Water proofing on scooter heavy jacket for top half and off we go I thought about water proofs but really trying get them on and of my legs is a near impossible act unless someone there to help. Does anyone fancy having sit in water proofs all day.

So now i am stuck 20 min drive in the pouring rain yes a pleasant journey and fun but should I have had to risk the wet and cold. If the buss company made room for one or two more chairs then six or seven bus wait wouldn’t of been necessary.

You speak to bus company and they say oh you can take scooter on bus Yea Right what a laugh. Nearly every driver I have tried too get on there bus with a scooter says sorry I dont allow scooter you point out to them reading busses says you can the reply is until i am told its a no. You tell reading busses and they say they will sort it and do they ever sort it no they dont.

Its nearly as bad as reading borough council and pavements last year I came out chair because bad pavement reported it and it was sorry nothing we can do we dont own land yet through research I have found they have the ability to enforce safety but they choose not to because of the cost. They rather let us get injured or worse then spend a few pound to enforce the rules. I got an able bodied person to look at the pavement in question on basinstoke road out side a shopping present and they were shocked put holes that a chair would get stuck in everywhere so much for disable safety.

Some of you may thing all I do is complain but the truth is I only give the truth and I hate the thought of other suffering for no need. It seems like money is important and as I put in the past we are third class so why do we matter. But on a plus I got praise Morrison and sainsburys stores they are totally helpful and go above and beyond to help disabled. If they see you trying get something of shelf they will stop where there doing and come and help even offer to help pack your bags. Not like asda who’s staff look at you and carry on chatting or act like you dont exist or dirt on their feet. Asda has the worse customer care for the disabled I know in reading followed by tesco who I can honestly say both lost my custom. Claus orison in reading town centre the assistants are fantastic but the male supervisor well lets just say the other week I saw him reduce a girl sales assistant to tears. I have never seen such a display of bad staff management in my life as well as there lay out in the store in a scooter or chair things are lain out and many times I get stuck in a isle or cant get what I want because supervisors hasn’t but things in a way so that the disable cant get past. Ironically the female supervisors in the store are helpful friendly and try to do there best for you the complete reverse of the males.

So I am left to ask is this a male thing and guess what that male supervisor in the store looks like he wasn’t punished and was still there going on about his usual business. So much for their abuse policies as most places I know reducing a member of staff to tears would be an instant dismiss offence in that store it seems a let forgive and forget policy. If your disabled and got no choice shop there but deal with the female staff members or should I say older female members as the young ones can be to busy flirting with the males in the store of gossiping.

So that my blog for today and I will be back again latter or tomorrow have a good day……

Do I Matter

Its 540 in the morning Im woken yet again by the pain and sitting here thinking about things. I found yesterday was an interesting day I sat in Nero’s the coffee house in reading sipping my coffee when I noticed a few customers I looked at avoiding my look. I have seen this a few times since my legs started to fail but never really paid to much attention to it. But I sit here now asking myself am I a freak or deformed have I got a dreaded disease that they scared of catching or my be they think i am a serial killer and hunting them.

The truth is none of the above I am a happy well adjusted male or as well adjusted as anyone can be. The problem does not lay with me but rather there perception of me. You hear the saying disabled are normal as well ascare in the community and all the spin. But then it was only 50 years or so ago we were locked in hospitals, homes or hidden from sight and us having kids was an unthinkable sin.

Can I or any one really be surprised that even in this day and age that the old discrimination and feelings are still there like they are wired into our genetics. I wheel down the road in my scooter and chair and still get kids calling names out the car windows or on the street and do there parents correct them no. Some times you actually here the parents laughing at kids comments.

I am a published author I served a short term in the British military and I have a reputable job. Before the legs started to fail I even worked in a hospital helping others and now i find that none of this matters and a minor infliction denotes who I am.

Is it not time that the world see past all this preconception and let past views die and realise that us disabled members of society do lead productive lives. Judges politicians and many other walks of life we strive to lead lives same as able bodied in fact in america they once had a president who was in a chair.

Criminals who commit crimes have an easier life and accepted more into society than us. Yet we have done no wrong other than ending up this way and for most of us it not our fault its fate playing its game on us.

So I say to all able bodied persons think and see the human who is really there because one day it could be you in the chair or lose part of you and how would you want to be seen.

See whats in front of your eyes not what society has programmed into you…

 

Sundays blues

I do not know what you normal person’s do on your Sunday but here an brief description of my usual Sunday. Wake up at six am pain running through my body soaked with sweat where the pain had gripped me in my sleep to the point it wakes me up this time.

I roll over to my bed side cabinet praying i remembered to put pain killers there and they not empty. Yes there their at last I know can get a light relief from the pain. I call out for help waking my son knowing how unfair it is but what choice have I I know without his help I am trapped there and helpless. Image forty five and helpless. It only seems like yesterday I was backpacking across the alp or watching the sun rise in different desserts and now I cant even get out of bed on my own each day.

It seems so unfair that after all I done in my life i am now sentenced to this. Watching my own body be my prison and wither and fade on me. Trapping who i am inside. Each day I wonder how much more I will lose will my hands arms even neck join the fight against me will I eventually be only a brain in a shell.

My son get my outfit ready then help me till i am washed and dressed then theirs the dreaded stairs to face. It was only yesterday that I laid at the bottom of them unconscious for three hours. I decided to take them alone and as no one was here to watch me the worse decided to happen. How can I have anyone here the system took away the way I got support and as yet its still to return.

i look at the scars on my hands from other accidents over the last year all this because of that person who for a job lied and left me and those I care about to suffer. I know I should not but I so wish one day that person is the same as me and get treated as she treats us.

Slowly he guides me down stair watches my every jerky movement ready to step in like he was watching a child take his first step[ fifteen minutes to walk down one flight of stairs. Perspiration running down my face every step like fire running through my body.  Its times like this I am thankful for my wheel chair so at least in that I am safe and pain is bearable.

Some look at a wheel chair and see disability and hard ship  to be honest when i look at one I see hope and freedom. My wheel chair is not an adversity it is a godsend and frees me from this curse of these four walls.

Today sons at work and I am alone apart from my pups my drinks on the table and the remote and my keyboard accessible. I know apart from these words on this screen I am alone and the world moves on and i am trapped in this prison. My chair sat there unable to move it to leave the house so here i must stay till some kind soul grants me the freedom to go out side and feel the wind and air.

When your out shopping having dinner out with friends down the pub think of us few who what you take as daily tasks to us they are a luxury and you daily takes to us are a gift that we some days will only dream off.

Now I will go watch the cloak and write my new story and let the day fade away hoping tomorrow that I will once more get to face the world. Maybe it will happen maybe it wont but then I know in a few weeks my daily work begins again and I know each morning the freedom and pleasure of work will be here again.

Work to me isn’t work its freedom and feeling normal now the money means nothing but the feeling of being useful and needed that is what work is and I thank those who give me that chance with my every waking breath.

Thous of you who hate work just think what it would be like if you were like me and the others like me and then think of what it would mean without your work. Then ask your self if your work really that bad.

Have agood day and hopefully the next blog will be more of a merrier note.

 

Time to give back

I was one of the lucky ones I wasn’t born disabled and had a long life before it crept up on me through a mugging then joint degeneration I have been left as I am now a disabled person.

Through my time as a disabled person I have faced so many adversity the governmental system. Then the able body persons who try not to see me or admit I now exist even friends or so called friends I known all my life dispersed or forgot I exist.

 

me

This is me as I am now or

jas

We are human we have feelings and we do feel the pain of rejection or adversity.

I have now decided its time to help others like me and work on giving back to the world.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/insanitybooks/insanity-books-lilith

Using this project I will be trying to set up a diversity group to aid other disabled writers, students and those in academia. Its time that we were seen as equals and no longer as the third class in society.

We have a voice and its now time to be heard….  

Third Class because disabled

In a day and age where the world should have advanced we are sadly lacking. Most disabled persons I know hold down jobs and do everything to pay there own way as much as they can.  Sure because of the added expense we do need pip but then over the years most of us had payed in before we became disabled or our families have.

But to my point of todays blog, I was out shopping today and I noticed how two kids were pointing at me. There parents saw them pointing looked at me then quickly pulled the kids away. Am I am I deformed or a monster no. Yet that man and women avoided eye contact and couldn’t of moved away faster.  Maybe they would been happier if it was the good old days where family’s hid the disabled or they were locked away in hospitals or asylums.

I as well as others tried to serve my country I worked hard all my life. Yet we have comments from abled body persons thinking we don’t hear like dole plungers, social security burden or best one is scrounger. I as so many others unlike a lot of able body persons like to work. I work in an education establishment and am a writer and published author.

Yet to the government system I and many others have had to fight for the little help we deserve. We get made to feel like cheats liars. Personal independent allowance is an uphill battle first we have to attend atop for an assessment where others as well as my self find that they do incorrect evaluations which the dap use to assessed your claim.

Do they care about the financial hardship caused as they politely put not there problem. you lose working tax rent community charge benefit free prescriptions. Your bus pass goes and if scooters on finance or on mobility scheme you lose the to. Not wonder suicides has happened by some disabled during this process.

November 2016 it all started were in July 2017 and finally had my tribunal which I was pleasantly surprised hoe polite and caring the judge doctor and disabled person was they  listened read the evidence and judged fairly. Unlike atom they listened. Atos did my assessment December I sent the travel claim in twice since yet to hear complained about the untruths in there reports and guess what no records of the complaint.

So to cut the story short the system is now geared not to help us disabled but instead to reduced claims by 500,000 leaving the disabled in some situations where they can have there lives devastated and not worrying about the effects on disability or health the government seems to have decided to recover there losses from those who find it hardest to fight back.

I SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH its time we told the powers that us disabled have a voice and we will no longer be walked over. Its time we the disabled got the compassionate and caring attitude that in public the powers at be promises instead of as it is at the moment the knife in the back we all have been getting.

Life is easy Writing is not

I still remember the day I finished my first book or thought I did I was so proud of my self and thought I was the bee’s knees. I send it to publisher and editor and got rejection after rejection. It was like a great cloud had encompassed my life.

Then it happened finally I had a bit of advice from a publisher that finally told me where I was going wrong. It was not my story’s it was the fact they even though good story’s were to rough and needed polishing to make them marketable.

Why didnt any of the previous publishing houses tell me this I do not know maybe they just couldn’t be bothered. So armed with this knowledge I went online searching and through trial and error finaly found an editor. Dont get me wrong before finding my editor I tried automated editors and everything and wasted a fortune.

But then I discovered my editor who would become my publisher eventually as well Michelle gent of gingernut books. Most editors edit your books and then there work done but Michelle actually spent time working with me guiding me and showing me what I needed to do to become an author.

I learnt the ropes and the lessons to learn is a long one. To write a book is easy but to sale then that’s a different story.  Now I have never been one for reviews or advertising that im the bees knees as I like my books to sale them selves. Insanity though crud in writing did actually fund me till I worte my second book. Both of these book will be out real soon on audio books to.

You can have the best book in the world but if the cover is not right then you failed before you start. Lesson I learned the hard way and freinds and family designing covers you think good im sorry wont sell the books. Investing in a good cover designer though not cheep im sorry is a must. Debbie from the cover collection is the designer I found that designs all my covers. If you want the right cover you have to work with your cover designer not against them they know there job and a good cover designer like debbie can work miracles.

second thing is know your editor and listen don’t think you know there job they get paid to know what there doing and arguing or disagreeing with them I am sorry ether losses you an editor or dooms you to not sale.

So now you have your cover and your edited manuscript are you there no far from it. Whats the point of having a book if you got no way of selling it. My first attempt was to self publish through createaspace and amazon. I found that my sales were zero this was when me and editor had a good talk and after reading my second manuscript gingernut agreed to publish my second book and this was when my sales began.

My books are now on Itunes play and amazon and loads of other media outlets. Although im not famous enough to be on the stores shelves my book can now be ordered through many high street books shops. I know after next couple of books then the shelves will see my books. Golden rule patients patients patients Rome was not built in a day nor will an author success. My books might not yet make me a fortune but I do earn enough to fund new titles and have money to buy food.

The other thing to remember is visibility sales make you and you books as visible as possible twitter google and facebook are ideal tools for this but remember its a double edged sword. What can help you can destroy you think before you can post.

They rest is history and learnt as you go on…..